“I felt as though I couldn’t relate to anyone around me – or more accurately, that others couldn’t relate to me. If I thought about going back to work, I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to do. Nothing felt right anymore. I felt as though I didn’t fit in with the people of this planet and their values. My priorities has changed, and I found that I was no longer interested in working in an office, reporting to anyone, or earning money for its own sake.” – Anita Moorjani, describing life after her near death experience (NDE) in Dying to Be Me
After reading the above paragraph, I said “OMG, that is me!” Even though I did not have a NDE. I know I am so very employable, but that is not the point. The driving force now for me is the creation of a system that allows all of me to be available to you, and allows for you to share at a deep level and be understood. It is doing work that allows my soul’s expression and contributes at the highest level.
This is the way of uncertainty.
It is uncharted.
It doesn’t have a rulebook or seven easy steps.
Anita goes on to say later in her book “I also couldn’t understand how much people neglected everything else – including love, relationships, talent, creativity, individuality, and so on – for the sake of money and how much time they spent working at jobs they didn’t enjoy.” Again, I said to myself “OMG, that is me!”
I certainly was one who neglected everything else for the sake of my very important J-O-B, which mostly drained my soul because I did not know how to process the complex emotions involved in being a care provider, nor does the system or society encourage any rest or time to be.
So what now? Trust is a big element…trusting that the Universe or God is on my side and has my back. Surrendering to what shows up and employing curiosity to what story is being weaved or unfolded. I often repeat these words from Saint John of the Cross,
“To know what you know not, you must go by way you know not.”
I know the way of the mind, but do not know the way of the heart and soul. So now, trust, surrender, and curiosity…all the qualities of innocence are being called forth from the depths. And you…oh yes you, asks Mary Oliver, “What will you do with this one wild and precious life?”