In the book The Four Things That Matter Most, Dr. Ira Byock describes four phrases that initiate conversations most of us avoid to our detriment. The four things are summed up in these phrases:
“I love you.”
“Will you please forgive me?”
“I forgive you.”
Dr. Byock states:
“When there is nothing of profound importance left unsaid, relationships tend to take on an aspect of celebration.”
I have experienced such in my own relationships. Forgiveness opens space for greater love, understanding and enjoyment. The “I love you” statement is a no-brainer. However, saying “thank you” when you feel hurt is another story. Tony Robbins says “If you are going to blame, then blame effectively.” What that means is even when there has been hurt or hardship, there often has been a great gift that would not be available to us otherwise. In my own childhood, the destructiveness of alcoholism pervaded home life. What I now have…the gifts of self-sufficiency, courage, and empathy…are priceless. I am so grateful and thank my parents for these!
Having written on forgiveness previously, I won’t belabor the points of forgiveness. Please refer to it in the archives of my blog.
However, there are a few ideas from Dr. Byock that are worthy of sharing. Dr. Byock states:
“Forgiveness is a passage to a sanctuary of wholeness, that nurturing place where we feel intimately connected to the people who matter most to us. It is a place of healing and transformation.”
He goes on to say:
“Forgiving is an act of cleansing that enables the wisdom within to reach out and reconnect with people we once loved.”
Last final inspiration from Dr. Byock is:
“Forgiveness is a courageous way of saying, ‘Enough is enough!’ It requires us to confront the imperfections and pain of the past, not ignore or excuse them. Once we can see them and their origins with compassion, we can again experience the love that is our birthright. With love, we can pave a future that is healthy and whole.”
If this article brings up someone for you that you feel there is unspoken hurt or love for, please without expectation of forgiveness by the other person, act and free your heart today! Many blessings always!