It has been over a year since the divorce. My friends are no longer quietly whispering to me to get back into the dating scene.
The thing is a made a deep heartfelt commitment to myself. I committed to myself not to enter into an intimate relationship again until I healed the places inside of me that contributed to the divorce.
It is neither easy, nor pretty, to look at the ways we hurt others. Yet, it is essential if we want something different in our next relationship.
So what I have found?
I found a lot of control issues and limiting beliefs. For example, my belief was that since I worked longer hours and made more money than my spouse, I got to unilaterally choose where and when we go on vacation. Ouch! Not so much in the spirit of partnership, eh?
The good news is divorce or departing a relationship is not a requirement to do this deep healing work. Through personal inquiry about disagreements in relationship, healing can be brought forth. It is as simple as asking yourself, “How am I contributing to this disagreement? Am I willing to view the issue from my partner’s lens? Am I speaking and acting in the spirit of partnership?”
These questions are not meant to judge, but rather these questions are meant to start to bring awareness to our responsibility and contribution to the relationship whether positive or negative. It is so seductively tempting to say, “It’s my partner’s issue. He/she is the problem” But as the old saying goes, “It takes two to tango.”
Do you keep attracting the same type of relationship issues even though you are dating some one new? Consider a discovery session with me today to see if working with me may be the next best step for you.